


Diagnosis, treatment, prognosis.

by Sophiablue90



Series: Love, laughs and trouble with the ADA [16]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Comfort, Cuddles, F/M, Initial smut, Worries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-07-15 21:09:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7238605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sophiablue90/pseuds/Sophiablue90
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter details cancer treatment which is a sensitive subject.</p></blockquote>





	1. Diagnosis

You gripped your hair in your hands as you stared up at the ceiling. Your mouth dropped open and your back arched slightly when the tip of Rafael's tongue ran over a particularly sensitive point of your clit. You glimpsed down to see him looking at you, wanting to drive you over the edge. Unfortunately you were taking forever.

This wasn't due to any lack of skill from Rafael or a decrease in attraction towards him. Your mind was so busy worrying about the phone call you received during work earlier that you couldn't focus. On your way home, you decided not to tell Rafael. He had enough to deal with, especially after the threats a few months ago and you didn't want to panic him just yet. Especially when things were so uncertain to you. Rafael had noticed your quiet demeanour during dinner and you retiring to bed earlier than normal but said nothing. He joined you under the covers later and you sought his gentle kisses and cuddles to help comfort you. As usual though, things between you two got hotter and resulted in Rafael climbing on top of you. 

Rafael had come twenty minutes earlier and went down on you straight after. You could feel yourself plateauing and him getting tired. You furrowed your eyebrows in frustration and slammed your arms down on the mattress.

“What's wrong?” Rafael raised himself up onto his elbows.

“I guess I'm just thinking too much, I can't focus.”

“Just lay back and close your eyes” Rafael said softly and lowered himself again towards your centre, kissing your inner thigh.

You grunted and raised one leg over his head to turn on your side so he was no longer between your thighs. “Don't bother. It's not gonna happen at this stage.”

You bashed the pillow under your head and sighed. You felt Rafael crawl up the bed and lie behind you. He pecked the back of your neck and stroked his fingers up and down your arm.

“Do you want to talk about whatever it is that's bothering you?”

You sulked. “No.”

“Can I talk?”

“Sure.”

A pause. “Your ass looks fantastic tonight.” 

You giggled into your pillow and rubbed your eyes. You felt him lean in closer and groan in your ear,

“Dios mio you are so beautiful.”

You rolled onto your back and smiled at Rafael. “You're just trying to make me feel better.”

He rested his arm across your stomach and whispered, “I am. But I mean it too.”

He studied your face, your flitting expressions, the low mood that was unusual for you. He left little kisses down your nose, over your lips and on your chin. 

“Talk to me” he mumbled against your skin.

You bit your lip and swallowed hard. You did your best to keep your voice calm. “I have to go to the hospital tomorrow.”

Rafael raised an eyebrow and cocked his head in confusion. “Why?”

You saw him glance at your stomach for the briefest of seconds before meeting your eyes again. You started fidgeting and wishing that was the reason you were going.

You shook your head and spoke slowly. “I have to have a biopsy.”

His eyes widened. “What?”

You looked away, not being able to see the fear developing on his face. You didn't want to scare him. “At work, I got a call from one of the doctors that conducted the staff medical screenings weeks ago. He said my mammogram showed an unusual mass in my left breast..”

“That doesn't mean anything.”

“My blood sample showed abnormal levels of certain hormones that usually are an indication that..” you couldn't finish the sentence without tears forming at the corner of your eyes. You bit your lip, hoping Rafael wouldn't probe any further. But you knew he would.

“An indication that what?” Panic had now set in as Rafael kept up his questioning.

You whispered the next word. You were just barely able to say it aloud. “Cancer.”

He stared at you before shaking his head and lying back on the bed. “No.”

Denial. You hadn't believed it fully either but some part of you knew it was true. “Raf..” 

“No.” His voice was starting to lose its confidence. You knew he was thinking what was going to happen next, and what to tell Luci.

“My gran had breast cancer..”

“Stop.”

“And my dad died from a brain tumour-”

“Stop talking!” He spat out and smashed the lamp off the bedside table out of anger. You covered your mouth with your hand as you gasped in shock. Rafael grinded his teeth and you could see him struggling to control his emotions. You knew he was scared. You shuffled as close as you could to him and held his face. He looked into your eyes moments before he burst into tears and pulled you into his chest, gripping you tightly to you. He sobbed into your shoulder as you stayed strong for him and ran your hands along his back to help soothe him. 

“I'm coming with you tomorrow” he sniffled into your neck as his cries calmed down a little.

You kissed his cheek. “You have court in the morning.”

“Fuck” he groaned as he remembered his schedule. You twisted your fingers in his hair as he tried to figure out a way to accompany you while avoiding a mistrial. “I could call the judge requesting an emergency temporary break in the morning.”

“I'll be fine on my own, don't disrupt your day for me-”

“I'm going with you.” He pulled back so he could see you. You wiped the wet streaks on his cheeks and kissed his lips.

“Ok ok.” 

Rafael still hadn't loosened his grip on you. You were secretly happy that he was so stubborn on coming with you tomorrow. You needed his support, whatever the results may be. You became so distracted in your thoughts and listening to Rafael's watery sighs that you almost didn't hear the bedroom door opening and a tiny voice entering the room. You sat up as much as Rafael's embrace allowed and saw Luci in her pyjamas coming towards you as she rubbed her eyes crying.

“What's wrong baby?” 

Rafael began aware of Luci in the room and quickly pulled on a pair of boxers. You threw on your nightdress before getting up from bed and lifting her up in your arms.

“I..heard..a...bang..” Luci cried. 

You shot a glare at Rafael as you realised it was the noise of him knocking the lamp over that had scared her. He looked sheepish as you kissed her head and tried to comfort her. “And you got a fright?”

She nodded and rested her head on your shoulder. “Well I think the noise has gone now, do you want to go back to bed?”

“No!” She screamed and hooked her arms around your neck. You patted her back. “Do you want to sleep with us tonight?”

“Yeah.”

You let her down into the centre of the bed beside Rafael, who let her snuggle into his arms.

“I heard a scary noise Papi.”

“I chased the noise away, it won't happen again.”

Luci giggled. “Silly Papi, you can't chase noises!”

Rafael smiled at her lovingly. He pecked her forehead and tucked the sheets around her. “Just get some sleep now, ok?”

As Luci drifted off, he kept his eyes on you all during the night until the sun started to rise. He wasn't going to let anything happen to you. You and Luci were his family. 

And nothing was going to break this family unit.


	2. Treatment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter details cancer treatment which is a sensitive subject.

You sat in the doctor's office, barely listening as the doctor and Rafael talked. The results were in – it was stage 2. Not the worst but not the best either. The oncology nurse gave you leaflets after your diagnosis which you had leafed through earlier. It was the usual cold, emotionlless material – explaining the illness, the surgery, chemotherapy and possible radiotherapy and the statistics. You stuck them in your bag as your doctor talked you both through the scans and blood results. The good news was the cancer hadn't spread any further from your breast. This meant though that you needed removal of the tumour, then an aggressive course of drugs and radiation to kill any lingering cancer cells. 

You had lost interest in the conversation that was happening beside you. Rafael and the doctor were discussing your options without stopping to consult or even ask your opinions on what you might want. It seemed you were no longer in control of your decisions any more. You started counting the number of degrees on the wall and the books in the bookcases on the far wall. You had noted seven certificates and up to 67 books when you heard your name and felt a hand on yours. You looked down at your lap to find Rafael squeezing your hand. The doctor called out to you again.

“Mrs Barba, do you have any questions?”

You glanced from him to Rafael, whose eyes were still red from the night before. You turned to the doctor and shook your head.

“No.”

“Are you sure? Do you understand what will happen next? Your masectomy will take place in two weeks time, followed by a six week recovery period. Then you will begin six weeks of intensive chemotherapy in which you will also have regular scans and blood tests. When the treatment is complete, we will plan for the next stage. Have you really no questions about any of these stages?”

All you heard were the words 'you will'. Everything was planned so what was the point in asking questions at this stage. 

“No.”

He sighed and looked towards Rafael. “It takes time for all this information to set in. If she does have any queries before the surgery, just ring me or one of the nurses.”

It started to feel like an insider club, with you not a member. You felt you could finally breath when you had left the office and you were in the car on the way home. You noticed Rafael glancing at you from the driver's seat from time to time and it was starting to irritate you.

“You don't need to check on me every two minutes Rafael, I'm not going to faint.”

He reached over to touch your knee but you moved your leg away. You were tired of being treated as if you were fragile. 

“Carino, I'm worried. You didn't seem to taking anything in at the doctor's.”

“You two seemed to have everything planned for me. What difference would anything I would have said made?”

“What, you're saying you don't want to get treatment?”

You threw your head back against the head rest and closed your eyes in frustration. “No I don't. But I have to, don't I..”

“So you want to leave Luci without a mother then eh?” Rafael's voice was sharp, making your eyes water. “You want to leave me a widower, you don't want to even give yourself the chance to get well again..”

“It's not as simple as hacking a body part off and sticking a needle full of poison into my arm!!” You snapped. “You haven't seen the side effects, what the treatments do to a person. You haven't experienced the sadness and disappointment when you realise it's not going to work and you aren't going to make it.” 

You looked out the window, “I've been through it with my family twice now. So sorry if I'm not full of optimistic hope and bursting with questions.”

Rafael kept quiet as he pulled into the apartment car park and parked in your spot. You stayed still as he got out and slammed the door behind him. You watched him walk around the car and open your door. You got out and headed towards the elevator, hearing the beep of the car as Rafael locked it. In the lift, you noticed him trying hard to hold back tears. He was fidgeting and chewing his lip furiously. You reached out and held his hand, stroking the back with your thumb. His breathing evened out until you arrived at your floor. Just before Rafael took out his keys, you spun him round and hugged him hard, letting out any remaining sobs he had into your shoulder.

“I'm sorry” you whispered into his ear. 

“Just....fight ok?” Rafael leaned back to meet your eyes. He looked so broken. “I know it'll be hard for you but do it, for me and Luci.”

You wiped his cheeks dry and held his face. You nodded and was about to reply when the door opened from the inside. Luci ran out and welcomed you home, jumping into your arms. You lifted her up as your mum appeared in the doorway.

“I heard voices, how did it go?”

She looked from you to Rafael and back to you again. She saw two pairs of red eyes and knew instantly. She thought of your father, then her mother in law and burst into tears.

 

The surgery came first. You had hugged and kissed Luci and your mum goodbye that morning before Rafael drove you to the hospital. He was quiet and fidgety when the surgeon and prep nurse gave you a gown to change into and hooked you up to Ivs. When it was time for Rafael to leave, he was just about able to hold back his tears. You reassured him you would be alright and you'd see him in the evening. He nodded, unable to stop his bottom lip from quivering. You held his face and kissed him. You committed to memory the feel of his lips, the smell of his aftershave, the warmth of his skin. Little comforts that would help you through the surgery and the recovery. You waved and watched as he left the room, before bursting into tears.

You remembered very little after the surgery due to the high levels of painkillers and the general anaesthetic. You vaguely recalled Rafael and Luci sitting around the bed, followed by your mum and Lucia. Some friends from work also visited for support. You kept the sheets high around you, covering the bandages on your chest. You remembered the shock when the surgeon removed them and you saw the scar for the first time – a red, puckered, angry incision held together with black stitches that was now where your breast was. The nurse dressed the wound and referred you to the physiotherapist who gave you postsurgery exercises to practice. You were growing sick of the hospital fast and was relieved when the surgeon let you go home after a few days.

You had a break of six weeks to let you recover before the second phase of the treatment started. You spent that time at home, watching Luci play with either Lucia or your mum while Rafael worked during the day. In the evenings, he would come home and immediately attend to your side – fluff the cushions, help you to the table, tuck you into bed. You didn't want him to see the scar. You kept it hidden well at all times, until the night before you started treatment and you turned to him for reassurance. 

Rafael was sitting up in the bed reading files as you lay beside him, picking anxiously at your nails as you stared up at him. After a few minutes of him turning page after page, you called his name.

“You ok?” He looked towards you, putting down the files momentarily on his lap.

You frowned before shaking your head. “I'm worried about tomorrow.”

Rafael threw his work onto the floor and sunk down into the bed, lying next to you and placing his arm across your waist. He kissed your forehead and traced his fingers along your arm and down your back.

“I'll be there at your side tomorrow. At every step of the way.”

You cuddled closer to him and whispered, “Thank you.”

You kissed him and held his face, before moving onto your back and pulling him with you. You felt him hesitating as you hooked your leg at his hip.

“We haven't since before the surgery..”

“I know.”

“I still haven't...” he paused, prompting you to say what you knew he was afraid to.

“Seen me..” you finished the sentence.

He bit his lip, then sighed when you pushed him off so you could sit up. You pulled your t-shirt over your head, revealing the scar and the pink swollen flesh around it. You didn't miss his sharp intake of breath, then his eyes becoming sad and round. You raised his chin with your fingers so his eyes met yours again. You stretched around him to grab your shirt again. 

“I can put this back on..” you mumbled quietly, putting your arms into the sleeves.

Rafael stopped you before pulling you closer. You closed your eyes as he kissed the nape of your neck, your collarbone and then tentatively down your chest. You jumped slightly when he touched the still tender skin.

“I'm sorry” he held your face and pecked your lips. You knew what he meant. That he was sorry you were the one to go through this, that he could do nothing except be by your side. You traced the lines across his forehead that seemed to have gotten deeper and the circles around his eyes now darker. 

You shrugged your shoulders and sighed. What else could either one of you say?

 

Treatment started the following morning. The first day of a 42 day regime of intravenous chemotherapy. Each session taking 30 minutes to an hour for drug solution to pass through the drip and needle into your arm. Rafael came for the first session as your mum minded Luci at home. Other days Lucia accompanied you. You appreciated her company as she chatted away and shoved magazines in your face, distracting you from the hospital setting. Some days you got a taxi there and back, too tired to walk down to the subway.

At first the only symptom you experienced was fatigue. The simplest of tasks now seemed daunting – clearing the table, getting Luci ready for bed, even showering at night was too exhausting. Luci couldn't understand why you suddenly couldn't keep with her anymore. She would shout, 

“Mummy's getting old!”, believing that was the reason you couldn't lift her into your arms anymore or run after her in the park. You had to contend with sitting on the bench and watch her with Rafael, Lucia or your mum. You felt so disappointed but hoped your low energy levels would only be temporary.

Sickness was the next thing to hit you. Part of your treatment was the antisickness medication you would take in the mornings before the chemo. Halfway through the 42 days, the buildup of the harsh toxic drugs in your system meant your antisickness dose had to be increased. But to no avail. Some days you were so ill, you stayed in bed all day, only leaving to use the bathroom to empty your stomach that hadn't seen food for days. This combination of sickness and not being able to swallow food made you very weak. Your mum became so concerned that she called Rafael at work one day, worried that you seemed to be discinigrating before her very eyes. Rafael rushed home and sat on the bed beside you, stroking your hair as you slept. He changed before waking you.

“Is it evening already?” you grumbled into the pillow.

“No, I left work early.” He looked down at you concerned.

“Left work early?? I don't think I've ever heard those words from your lips before..”

Rafael started to rub your back, slighting easing your shaky stomach. “Your mum rang me, she's worried.”

“I just can't keep anything down.”

He bit his lip and reached for his suitcase. He produced a small plastic bag with a green substance with a distinctive smell. You held a hand over your mouth and gasped over dramatically.

“Rafael Barba, did you buy weed??”

“No of course not.” He then grinned. “I took it from evidence lockup.” 

He lay beside you on the bed and stroked your cheek as you laughed quietly. Even that seemed to drain you of any energy you had left.

“It might help your appetite.”

“You didn't have to steal weed for me.”

“I'd do anything for you” he said as he kissed your forehead. 

You bit your lip, “Will you smoke it with me?”

Rafael smirked and kissed your forehead. “Nice try.”

You rolled your eyes and smiled in defeat. 

 

Next was the hair loss. You feared this side effect since the treatment started. It started gradually, a hair or two caught in the hair brush each morning. Then another few strands loose on the pillow or in the shower drain. It escalated to clumps, most embarassingly when Rafael ran his fingers through your hair idly at night and a fistful of hair came out when he pulled back his hand. You thought you would never feel embarrassment in front of your husband, but you couldn't help the red blush that spread across your face. You buried your head under the sheets as Rafael tried to comfort you, insisting you were still beautiful and this would be only temporary. He managed to bring you to cuddle into his chest, but you still felt awful as you cried uncontrollably. You felt you had nothing left. Your weight had dropped so your clothes didn't fit, you couldn't eat without your stomach turning, you had lost a breast and now this. And it still wasn't over.

He must have mentionned your anxieties to Lucia as she arrived to your apartment the next day with colourful headscarfs. You appreciated her efforts, and Luci seemed to enjoy wrapping them around your head. Rafael smiled and whispered into you ear when he saw you, “Beautiful as always.”

If only you felt that way inside.

Treatment finally ended after a very long six weeks and it was now the night before your post treatment consultation with your oncologist. Today you had been for a scan plus the usual bloodtests. You were nervous, knowing that the little vials of red liquid and the scans would show what would lie next for your future. The all clear or further treatment. Remission or recurrence. You had gone to bed early, leaving Rafael to make Luci dinner and put her to bed. You had dozed off for a short while, before being woken up by voices outside your bedroom door.

“Papi pleeaase!”

“No Luci you have your own bed for a reason, Mummy needs her rest.”

“You just want to kiss mummy!!”

You smiled into your pillows. Luci had been sleeping in your bed most nights during your treatment and although Rafael understood, he was becoming concerned that she was growing used to sleeping with you two. Obviously tonight he was putting his foot down.

“Luci, don't get cheeky, now get to your room.”

“You're so mean Papi.”

Total silence. You guessed Rafael must have pulled 'the face'. That's what you called his stern expression when he was not in the mood for games. You then heard stomps of feet and then a door slamming. Yes, he had definately 'the face' on, and Luci was just as stubborn as he was.

You peeked from under the sheets at a sad figure entering the room and kicking off his shoes. You lowered the covers to under your chin.

“What was that all about?”

Rafael's head turned sharply at your voice. He raced over to you concerned. “Did Luci wake you?”

You shook your head, “What was wrong?”

He rolled his eyes and changed out of his clothes. “She wanted to sleep with us again.” You watched as he threw off his shirt. You noticed his belly had shrunk significantly since six weeks agon. He had lost weight from the stress and worry. You felt sorry that you were the cause to all of this. You hoped tomorrow would mark the end of your illness.

“You can't be too hard on her Raf, she's only young.”

“I know, I know..” he grumbled as he sat on the edge of the bed beside you and unbuckled his trousers. He paused and rubbed his eyes.

“She's been on to me about getting a puppy too.”

You smiled, “that would be nice.”

He looked at you sternly. “Really, in the middle of all this you want to add cleaning up puppy shit from the carpets to our troubles?”

“She's a child Raf, just because I'm going through treatment doesnt mean we should deny her happiness.”

“I don't want Luci to get spoiled, she has an attitude already.”

“Wonder where she got that from..” 

Rafael frowned at you and continued undressing. He tugged off his pants and threw on pyjama bottoms. You couldn't help laughing at the moody pout that was forming on his face.

“See, Luci had the same face when she was born.”

“You're saying I have the face of a grumpy newborn?”

Your grin widened as he stood up and raised a disapproving eyebrow. The bed started to shake from your giggles and his weight as he slipped under the duvet behind you. He wrapped his arms around you and held you close to him. You felt a few watery sighs against your shoulder. You turned to face him and was met with his soft, sad eyes.

You suddenly felt bad for teasing him. You held his face between your hands and kissed his lips.

“What's wrong, you know I'm only messing don't you?”

“I can't do this without you.”

“What?”

He shruggled his shoulders. “Raising a talkative moody child that is actually a clone of what I was like at that age.”

“You are doing a wonderful job.” You stroked his cheek in the attempt to soothe him.

Rafael gripped you tighter, “Don't leave me.” His eyes started spilling tears and you wiped them away before tucking your head into the crook of his neck. “I'm not going anywhere Raf, you won't have to do anything on your own.”

He nodded and sniffled against your head. He traced his fingers up and down your arm, giving you goosebumps. He kissed your forehead.

“I want you in my arms til we're old and grey.”

“Shouldn't be too long, you're becoming quite the silver fox already.”

He moved back to give you the stern face again. You smiled up at him, kissing his red eyes and pink cheeks. He eventually smirked and pulled you back to rest against his chest.

“Tomorrow then..”

You let out a deep breath and nodded into his chest. “Tomorrow.”

Neither of you slept that night. You lay in each other arms, whispering the occasional comment. Sometime during the night Luci snuck in and tugged on your arm, begging with her huge green eyes to let her into the bed. She avoided her father's exasperated glare and squeezed your arm. You understood Rafael's fear of indulging her too much but she was scared too. You pulled back the covers and let her crawl into the bed beside you. 

“You're one spoiled chica Luci.” Rafael groaned.

“Cus I have the best mummy in the world!” She exclaimed and cuddled into your chest. You looked towards Rafael and swore his face was about to break into tears. Somehow he managed to hold them back as you held his hand. It was like the night before the diagnosis again. The night before your world had changed.

 

Now it was Rafael's turn to squeeze your hand as you waited for your consultant to finish flicking through endless amounts of papers and files. The doctor looked up and smiled at the both of you.

“How are we keeping?”

Neither of you could respond in coherent sentences. There was too much at stake here.

“Do you have my wife's results?” You silently thanked Rafael for his unwavering ability to cut through the bullshit and get answers.

“Yes” the doctor replied. You felt Rafael's grip on you tighten.

The doctor turned his attention to you and removed his glasses.

“Mrs Barba, how do you feel?”

You started to panic. Surely if it was good news he would tell you straight out instead of prolonging this torture. You mumbled an “ok” and waited for the doctor to continue. You watched as he put on his glasses again and opened your file again. You heart was beating so fast you thought you'd faint if not for Rafael putting his arm around you.

The doctor looked up again and sighed.

Then smiled.

“Good news Mrs Barba...”

You remembered nothing after that. Just flashes of Rafael and Luci went through your mind. Images of horrible sickness, hair loss, Ivs and tablets. 

It was over.


	3. Prognosis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the support and all the lovely comments for this story :)

It had been six months when the doctor had told you your results. All your scans and bloodwork and come back normal so all that was necessary now were six monthly scans and if all remained the same, only annual scans would be needed. You vaguely remembered shaking the doctor's hand and saying thank yous to the nurses along the corridors that had taken care of you. Rafael was chattering away beside you, about what you can't recall. All you could think about was your granny and your dad. The illness that had cut their lives short had come for you but it appeared you had won. Flashes of memories of growing up with them filled your head as Rafael guided you to the carpark. You suddenly felt great sadness at them not being here, for you to hug and talk to. They were involved in every part of your life – school plays, holidays, laughing, seeking advice. 

You stood at the car door as Rafael opened it for you. It was only then he had noticed you hadn't been listening and you seemed far away. You felt him stroke your arm and call your name. Your eyes focused on him, making him smile, adding colour to his previously drained face.

“You did it carino.”

He kissed you, then held your chin up before he saw the tears forming at the corners of your eyes. He steadied you as you suddenly felt weak at the knees, overcome with emotion. You wrapped your arms around him and pulled him tight to you as you cried into his shoulder. You did it.

The next few months you focused on rebuilding your strength. You ate as well as you could but your metabolism seemed to be in overdrive all the time – you never regained any of your lost weight. Your hips remained bony and your arms and leg thin. Rafael knew your confidence had taken a hit so he made sure that you knew that he thought you were gorgeous all the time, to the point where it was started to grate on you. But deep down you were grateful for his love.

Your hair had also grown long enough to be shaped into a very short bob. Lucia took you to the hairdressers to get styled and pampered. You sighed at the feel of fingers massaging your scalp and rinsing your hair with tons of shampoo and conditioner. You were a little shocked when you saw yourself in the mirror at the end. Surprise because your hair looked nice but it looked darker. Streaky almost.

“Did you put colour in my hair?” you asked the hairdresser, wondering if you had arranged for it and just forgotten.

“No” she shook her head and put her hand on your shoulder. “I have a few clients that have had cancer and they found their hair grew back slightly darker. Its perfectly normal after all you went through.”

You nodded sullenly and ran your hand through your hair. “It feels different too.”

“Hmm, coarser. But I can recommend good conditioners that will help soften it up for you.”

“Thanks” you smiled up at her and turned towards the mirror to catch another look.

Rafael arrived home late that evening. He had been working extra cases and longer hours to pay for the mounting medical bills for your treatment that insurance only partly covered. He looked so tired as he set down his briefcase in the hall and kissing Luci who was glued to the tv before going to you in the kitchen.

“Hello mi amor” he held you to him as he kissed your lips slow and tenderly. He chuckled as he pulled back and found your eyes were still closed with pleasure. He ran his finger along your chin, bringing you back to reality and taking the wooden spoon from your hand that you had been using to stir the rice and beans.

“How was work?” you asked as you gripped his arm, enjoying the warmth emitating from his touch.

He let out a deep breath and shrugged his shoulders. “Long. Very long.”

You felt so guilty of making him work so much just pay your healthcare bills while you were still unfit to go back to work. He must have sensed this because immediately he put his arm round you and pecked her forehead. 

“All worth it, because you're here.”

You smiled weakly and watched him plate up the hot food.

 

You had put Luci to bed and sat on the couch, welcomed by Rafael into his arms. You kissed him, feeling him recipocate and drawing you closer to him. You stroked his cheek as he sucked on your bottom lip, before letting your tongue meet his. You moaned as he ran his hand through your hair and you held his face as he moved back to study you. His eyes drifted over you again and again, making you so paranoid that you pinched his chest gently.

“What?”

“You got your hair cut.”

You felt your face redden with the sudden attention on your appearance. “Yeah, does it look ok?”

He smirked and brought you to his lips for another kiss. “Perfect.”

He watched the fragile strands pass between his fingers. “Did you dye it?”

“No, it grew back like that.”

Rafael hummed as he eyed the dark brown now highlighted with black-blue stripes. It accentuated your bright eyes and pale skin even more so, making you appear ethereal.

He tutted, “You are so beautiful, do you know that?”

“Shut up Rafael” you elbowed him but smiled at the same time. You looked up at him as he continued playing with your hair. “You don't think its bad?”

He stroked your cheek and shuffled closer to you. “Let me show you if you don't believe me..”

He kissed you again and deepened it quickly, leaving you gripping the front of his shirt. You summoned the courage to fiddle the top button of his shirt and pick it open. You broke the kiss and leant your forehead against his. 

“Are you sure?” he asked as you ran your finger through the curls of his chest hair that poked out of the top of his shirt.

“I've missed you.”

The corner of his mouth lifted into a grin, “I might tire you out..”

You bit your lip and undid another button, “It's good training..”

He snorted and pecked your cheek. “And the DA is having a function this weekend-”

“I'm suddenly feeling very tired Raf..” you pretended and laid back on the couch, a hand on your forehead.

Rafael laughed in amusement and pulled you back to him, “Ok ok I get it, yeah I'm not pushed to go either.”

He rubbed your back as you delicately kissed his lips again. “I couldn't have done this without you Rafael.”

“It was all you carino.”

“No, it was you too. I didn't think I'd be able to get through it in one piece..” you started to well up but Rafael grabbed your wrists and stood you up from the couch with him.

“Bed?”

You smiled and held his face between your hands as you smooched on the way to the bedroom, Rafael guiding you backwards through the dimly lit apartment. He swung open the door behind you and pulled away to sigh. You followed his eyeline to the bed where Luci had snuck under the duvet and was sleeping peacefully.

“I knew this would happen..” he groaned into your ear, his breath hitting your ear and tickling your neck. You placed your hands on his chest and felt it rise and fall in pants. 

“Carry her back to bed and then you can take me to bed..” you teased him quietly.

“With pleasure Mrs Barba” he winked at you. You watched as he lovingly lifted Luci into his arms and whisked her back to her room. While he was gone, you whipped off your tshirt and your jeans. You glimpsed in the full length mirror again and looked at yourself up and down. You had been through hell, gained some scars, lost your confidence but you survived. You smiled as you felt Rafael's arms wrap around your skinny waist. He kissed the back of your neck and whispered in your ear, 

“Tu eres muy hermosa, carino.”

You survived and you had the two most precious people in your life. What more could you ask for.


End file.
